he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize