Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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