dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize