watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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