I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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