I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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