My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
