I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
