you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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