i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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