he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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