I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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