i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
