gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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