You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
