i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
