____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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