I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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