True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
