She's JV to your varsity
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
