I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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