But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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