i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
