So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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