another moral hangover. fuck.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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