Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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