There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
