Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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