hell yes lets make some ravioli
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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