I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
