I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
