Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i love accidental penises.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize