need another drink. this is the easiest way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize