i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
