margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
