nut hugger
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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