How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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