My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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