M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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