My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
