Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
