hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
