Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
