btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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