i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
