somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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