dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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