I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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