We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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