How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
