I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
