Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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