My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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