It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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