This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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