When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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