Say something about gay babies.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
