Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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