What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
