2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
