when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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