Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
