So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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