A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
