When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
