told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm having to shit out rocks
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