Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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