i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
