i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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